COLD HARD CASH

Is this shit for real? I haven't blog about commercials in while, because I haven't been able to watch tv in awhile. Yesterday, was my first day back to a more relaxed schedule, and it didn't take me long to discover a commercial that blended a rare combination of scuminess, stupidity, and just pure arrogance.

This is the commercial i'm talking about:


This commercial is so stupid, it really sets itself apart from all the other horrible, cheap commercials that have been banished to their late night time slot. And there are a lot of them, from the diamond guy, to the rv sales men, to the infomercials, late night commercials are made to a very specific demographic, namely those people that don't have a job to wake up to. Until now, these late night commercials pleated watchers to improve their lives with purchases of household goods, money making secrets, and dieting pills, but they always shared the same economic philosophy of requesting money. BUT! not this one. OH no.

This commercial is revolutionary. It doesn't require you to purchase anything, no credit card, no checks, no COD. All you need is send your unused and therefore worthless gold, diamonds, platinum jewelry via mail and they send you back straight cash. Straight hardcore American backed, Federal-Reserve printed, and ever devaluing cash!$!$

If you don't know that the dollar you have in your wallet can get you less and less nows-a-day, then you're a moron! Don't let the dollar menu at McDonalds fool you, you have to trade in five-six of mcChicken sandwiches to get a gallon of gas which you'll burn up driving to the super market.

I just like to take a closer look at this commercial. It's base on a simple concept of cash for gold.
This guy whoever he is (his name was never given) introduces the simple concept of trading your gold or pretty much anything that shines for cash.

I have a question, does filming a commercial in a what looks like doctor's office give it any more creditability? Look at the guy?! He already has scumbag written all over him.

Notice the right hand tucked away from the camera. There's a reason for that.

BAM!!!! That's because he's got COLD HARD CASH.

That's right, nothing poor people like to see more than a hand holding equally parted cash. And just in case you can't see the cash in his hands, it's written in bold yellow print and takes up half of your television screen.












There's even testimony from real people about how lucky they were to throw away their gold. This lady below, remember her? She's had no idea her gold was worth so much. Does she look like she's ever had an idea at all? Was it her idea to dress herself for the tapping of this testimony.

This lady traded her gold jewelry from her first marriage. She also plans to trade in her gold jewelry from her next marriage, and all the ones after that, and work up a nice nest egg through divorces.

Diamonds are forever they say. But they aren't forever when they're stolen, then they become just memories. When they're mailed in, however, they become...
COLD HARD CASH$!$!$!$







See, the simple lesson here is this: don't trade anything if you don't have a clue what value it holds. As a teenager, I repeatedly tricked my little siblings into trading their measly 1 dollar allowance for 20 sparkling pennies because I simply emphasize that 20 is more than 1. Having no idea the value of their money, they simply gave away their dollars for more numerous shinny stuff. Well, this works kinda in the same way, except the shinny stuff that they're asking for here, is worth much more than the bills they're willing to give for it. I'm not an economist, but I do know this: you need to give more bills to get the same amount of things. You don't have to even know a economist to know that the value and demand for gold has sky rocketed in the past decade. That pitchman even said it in the commercial. "The demand is at an all time high." So as the value of gold goes up steadily, and with the value of the dollar plummeting drastically, this commercial appears and tells us: "Lets make a trade. Your stuff for my shit. Unlike other commercials, we'll pay you this time." This just doesn't make any sense to me! it doesn't.


(and i'll end with this. check out that reputable image to the left of the CEO in this picture. There is what looks like a Forbes magazine cover. But why the hell is the bottom half of the image different from the top. Could it be a half ass splice job to look like a magazine? Hot 500 Inc 500? it even reads stupid. It wouldn't surprise me if the rest of that cover read: Hot 500 ways to lose $$$ to a douhcebag. )